


A Little Death

by alexandermylove



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AH - Freeform, AU, Drug Use, Explicit Language, M/M, Smut, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:59:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2523245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexandermylove/pseuds/alexandermylove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU/AH song fic! Magnus and Alec have a lot in common, both are successful lead singers for their respective bands, both are more or less happy, and both are haunted by the darkness of their past lives. Will their similarities bring them together just for their differences to tear them apart? They are in for a bumpy ride. This is mostly a story about Alec and Magnus but you will definitely see other characters from TMI and even TID. You will see some canon ships and then possibly some weird ones but just bear with me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Umm so this is the first story I've ever posted to AO3 so just bear with me here, I'm still trying to figure this out. I hope y'all like this even though it's short. The following chapters are longer I promise!

Alec loved the feeling of someone on top of him, mercilessly pounding into him over and over again.The drugs in his system just helped to increase the pleasure.

He moaned deeply as his lover hit his prostate and clawed at the sheets. He might have ripped them but he didn’t care. All he cared about was how close to the edge he was and how he never wanted this to end.

His lover grabbed onto the headboard for support, his trusts going even deeper and harder, “You like…that baby? Hmmm?… Do you?”

Alec had to bite his lip to stop from screaming. It took him a while before he could reply and even then it came out in breathy voice, “Yes! Yes. Mmm,” he moaned again, “Don’t stop.”

His lover sealed their lips together and they kissed sloppily and half desperately for a moment before the thrusts became faster.

Alec broke away panting, his nails trailing paths down the other man’s back, stopping at his back side and drawing him even closer.

“Oh fuck-” His voice trailed off as he came. He arched off of the bed as his whole body filled with heat. He closed his eyes as he drowned in the sensations.

The combination of the weed, the alcohol and his lover bringing him to edge was almost too much. Everything was muffled yet every touch, every kiss, every lick, every bite was intensified.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity he is able to calm his panting breaths and his lover pulls out of him and collapses at his side.

Alec shifts so that he can rest his head on his lovers chest. The familiar green eyes blink down at him sleepily.

“How was that?” While not being in the throes of passion his accent is more prominent.

He snuggles closer to his lover and smiles slightly, “Amazing. As always.”

His lover kisses his head and chuckles slightly at the compliment, “Good. Goodnight, love.”

“Goodnight, Woolsey.” He replies before he is overcome by sleep. 


	2. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus' Pov this time! 
> 
> The song for this chapter is Without You by Lana Del Rey

_“Everything I want I have:_

_Money, notoriety and rivieras._

_I even think I found God_

_In the flash bulbs of the pretty cameras,_

_Pretty cameras, pretty cameras._

_Am I glamorous? Tell me am I glamorous?”_

Magnus stopped singing and pointed to his best friend, “Take it away, Cat.”

Catarina groaned from her position on the couch, “Magnus, you know I hate singing my songs when I’m not on stage. Besides, did you really have to pick one of the most depressing ones?”

He raises an eyebrow, “Wait- You have non-depressing music?”

She throws a pillow at him, “Very funny. Now, what are you doing here?”

“A man can’t simply have a desire to hear his best friend’s beautiful voice?” The sparkly man moves into the room. He is dressed in his usual outlandish clothing: tight, so tight that it left very little to the imagination, leather pants, a neon yellow crop top that exposed his smooth stomach until his belly button, his arms and hands were decked out in multiple bangles and rings, his hair was done up in spikes, his face was completely made up with liner, eyeshadow, mascara and lipstick. And of course he was covered in glitter from head to toe.

He flops down on the couch next to her and holds the remote up to her face like a microphone, “Now sing.” He demands.

“If I sing will you leave?”

“Only one way to find out, darling.” He shoots her a glittery wink.

After a moment of simply looking at him she finally takes the ‘mic’ with a sigh.

_“Hello? Hello?_

_C-can you hear me?_

_I can be your china doll_

_If you want to see me fall._

_Boy, you’re so dope,_

_Your love is deadly._

_Tell me life is beautiful,_

_They all think I have it all._

_I’m nothing without you._

_All my dreams and all the lights mean_

_Nothing without you._

_Summertime is nice and hot,_

_And my life is sweet like vanilla is._

_Gold and silver line my heart_

_But burned into my brain are these stolen images,_

_Stolen images, baby, stolen images._

_Can you picture it,_

_Babe, the life we could’ve lived?”_

She stopped, pausing to catch her breath. Catarina breathed in again as if to prepare for the chorus but halfway through seemed to change her mind, “That’s all you’re getting out of me.”

Magnus let out a displeased sound. He loved listening to the sound of his friend’s voice. It reminded him of when they were younger and basically attached at the hip.

Before, when they could still leave their houses without being mobbed, they had always been singing. Whether they were happy, sad, angry, walking home, talking on the phone or about to go to bed they were always doing something music related. That was back when it was more fun. When they didn’t have to sing to impress people and didn’t have to perform even if they weren’t up to it. They both still loved to sing but…it just wasn’t the same anymore.

And it wasn’t the same because they were missing someone. Their twosome had used to be a threesome and his absence wasn’t felt anymore than it was on this day in particular.

There was a reason behind why Magnus had wanted Catarina to sing this specific song…she had written it on exactly this day, seven years ago.

The day he had left.

They wanted to remember him even though it was looking as if they weren’t ever going to see him again.

Magnus was brought out of his stupor by Cat’s voice, “But for real, why are you here?”

He sighed, “Well, first of all because of the event,” She stiffened slightly at the mention of him leaving.

“Oh-is today that day?” She tried to sound nonchalant but Magnus could see right through her. Magnus knew that him leaving had hit her hard and he knew that it still hurt.

He reached his hand out and coiled a strand of her hair around his pointer finger.  Her hair was still white from the time that they had both bleached it in the middle of senior year. A person that had moved on would have shaved it all off or dyed it a different color, Magnus had suggested neon pink, maybe even jet black.

“Yes. It is that day.”

She flushed slightly at his insinuation and shook her head, “Maggie,” He wrinkled his nose at the dreaded nickname, “I’m fine. It’s been years and he’s still gone so…it’s not like we can do anything about it.”

When he had just left we had called, video chatted and texted everyday. Everyday turned into a couple times a week, then once a week, once a month, every couple of months and then not at all. They just stopped coming and Magnus and Catarina were forced to suck it up while their friend was living it up in California and forgetting about them.

After a moment of silence she cleared her throat and said, “You said that was the first thing. Did you have another reason?”

This is a much lighter, though more annoying, subject. I let out a theatrical sigh, “My fucking neighbor is blasting her shitty music again and I can not stand it any more. If I have to keep listening to that crap I am going to scream.”

Caterina laughs, loud and musically. He falls into her lap, his head resting on her thighs, “Don’t laugh at my pain you evil woman.”

“I can’t help it when you’re acting like this. If you have a problem with your neighbour, just talk to her.”

“Some of us can’t be as civil as you. If I go to her apartment, I’m going to end up screaming about how she is interrupting my beauty sleep and giving mebags under my eyes.” He said the word ‘bags’ with complete and utter disgust as if he was talking about someone who had thrown up in his container of limited edition glitter hair gel or something.

“Really Magnus, bags?”

He gently touched the skin under his eyes, “I know it’s hard to believe sometimes, darling, but make up really does go a far way. But that is besides the point, the point is that this girl is driving me crazy and one of these days it’s going to be on all of the headlines and breaking news stations that ‘The Magnificent Magnus Bane is being imprisoned for first degree murder.’” He said the last part in a high pitched and cheery newscaster voice before groaning and closing his eyes.  

Cat started to run her fingers through his hair in a soothing gesture, “Fine, fine. You’re obviously suffering and I’m sorry that you have to go through this. Is there anything that I can do to possibly lessen your pain?”

Magnus pretended to contemplate for a moment before opening his eyes, “Hmm- you could take me out to coffee and while we’re at it we might as well go shopping and everyone knows that shopping makes you hungry so-”

“We might as well go out for lunch too?” Cat provided, finishing his sentence for him.

“It’s almost like you were reading my mind, love.”

“Fine, then let’s go.”

With a-very manly- squeal he was up and heading out the door again, with his best friend right on his heels. 


	3. Sweater Weather pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song: Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

Alec still woke up thanking his lucky stars. Some days he couldn’t believe just how good his life was now. He had had to drag his way through miles of shit and even then he still could have failed. He didn’t exactly know what made him so special. All his other bandmates had amazing voices- besides Simon- but even then, the bass player still had a better one than half of the industry right now. Sure, Alec knew how to play a handful of instruments but the whole point of a band was a group of people playing instruments together. If you had told him 5 years ago that he would be the lead singer to a popular-ish, not really but enough to have one song played on the radio, alt band he would have laughed. Hell, he laughs about it now. Everything was way too good to be true and he was perfectly fine with that.

***

Alec let Woolsey’s drumbeat surround him. It worked it’s way under his skin and flowed through his bones.

_All I am is a man_

_I want the world in my hands_

_I hate the beach_

_But I stand_

_In California with my toes in the sand_

He hadn’t had a huge part in the writing of this song. Perhaps that was why it was this was their most popular one.

_Use the sleeves of my sweater_

_Let’s have an adventure_

_Head in the clouds but my gravity’s centered_

_Touch my neck and I’ll touch yours_

_You in those little high-waisted shorts, oh_

To be honest, he didn’t really like the song all that much but that didn’t matter while he was performing. While he was in the moment there was only him and the music and there was nothing that he loved more.

_She knows what I think about_

_And what I think about_

_One love, two mouths_

_One love, one house_

_No shirt, no blouse_

_Just us, you find out_

_Nothing that I wouldn’t wanna tell you about, no_

_'Cause it's too cold_

_For you here and now_

_So let me hold_

_Both your hands in the holes of my sweater_

_He wouldn’t give this up for the world._

***

Alec downed another shot. His whole body was filled with warmth and so much happiness that he felt like he was going to cry. He leaned forward and kissed one of his band members. He didn’t really know who because his eyesight was kind of blurry but he was pretty sure they had blonde hair.

It was just a simple brushing of lips against skin. Nothing big. Nothing serious. His bandmates were used to the random displays of affection by now but the ones who claimed to be ‘wholly, 100 percent straight’ grew uncomfortable when he attempted to kiss them on the lips. It deducted some of their macho points or some shit like that.

He was pulling back, preparing to down another shot when long fingers settled on both sides of his face, preventing him from moving.

“What kind of kiss was that?” Even though everything was fuzzy, all the colors and sounds and corners mixing together until he didn’t know where one thing began and another ended he would know that voice anywhere. It was a voice that was deep, accented, and one that was so familiar he know it better than his own.

And Alec knew the man was perfectly fine with receiving kisses, and more than kisses, from him.

“If you’re going to kiss me…” The voice paused and the hands started to draw him even closer. So close that Alec could feel his breath against his lips. His voice started to cut through a small portion of the thick curtain dulling his senses. That voice that was everything good in the world, that voice that sounded like melted gold and made Alec want to curl up in the man’s arms and never leave.

His eyesight started to come back, one slow puzzle piece clicking into place after another filling in the perfect face to go with the voice.

The voice that finally continued after a moment of heavy silence, “Then fucking kiss me. I mean, I know you’re drunk but you can do better than that Alec.”

That was all the encouragement he needed. His face came forward again, closing the small distance between them, and this time they were met by soft lips. They just sat there taking in each other and enjoying the post-performance bliss.

Alec was one for living in the moment. He rarely thought of the future and God knew the times he dwelled on the past was even fewer with greater distances in between . So while he sat there, kissing one of the most beautiful men to have ever lived Alec couldn’t help but think that there was no where else that he would rather be than right here engulfed in everything…Jace.


	4. Sweater Weather pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song is still Sweater Weather by the Neighbourhood

Alright, that’s enough, Magnus thought while his neighbour started blasting music again for the umptenth day in a row. He was getting sick and tired of this shit. Everything was peaceful and quiet, on the weekdays at least, before she had moved in. This girl didn’t seem to know the difference between Monday and Friday or 3 in the afternoon from 3 in the morning. Magnus threw on a bright red shirt that was lying on the back of his couch, that may or may not have been his, and headed out the door ready to tell this annoying girl off.

He stalked up the staircase and moved down the hallway that was almost identical to his own. It wasn’t hard to find the source of the music, the floor was practically vibrating under his feet while he stood in front of the door.

He raised his fist to angrily knock so that she would understand that he meant business but dropped it quickly after realizing that she wouldn’t be able to hear it over her loud ass, depressing music. He settled on ringing the doorbell instead. He jabbed his finger at the little button repeatedly, only stopping when the music came to an abrupt halt. When the beauty of silence settled into the hallway Magnus let out a sigh of relief. It was a good feeling to actually be able to hear himself think.

The door sprang open, revealing the girl. Magnus had seen brief glances of her before from the corner of his eye or quickly in passing so he knew she was beautiful but up close and straight on she was absolutely gorgeous. Long raven black hair that framed smooth alabaster skin and big dark brown eyes. Her eyes looked lost and almost broken, it was almost like she was looking through him instead of at him.

After a brief moment she finally focused and said, “Umm…Hello?” She spoke with a slight British accent.

It was almost hard to hold on to his anger while she was standing there looking like that. Almost.

"Alright I get that it’s 10 o’clock and this is usually the time that people start drifting in for a party. I get it, I do, I love me a good party every now and then but today is fucking Thursday, you’ve been blasting this bullshit music every, fucking day this week and since you’re alone right now I’m going to assume that this place has been empty on the previous days too so what’s your excuse? And it better be good too since this has caused me to lose some of my beauty sleep."

He might have spoken for a bit too long and maybe a bit too harshly but it didn’t seem to matter because it looked like his words were going in one ear and coming out the other. Her eyes slowly widened as he spoke and by the time he was through with his little speech they were as large as saucers. Even though he didn’t know the exact words that were going to come out of her mouth, he could guess the subject matter.

"You’re- you’re Mag- oh my God! You’re Magnus Bane!"

Yep, hit the nail right on the head. Dammit a man can’t even yell at his neighbour properly without being recognized.

"Yes, yes I know who I am and now you do too but I have still yet to hear your reasoning as to why you are keeping me up everyday."

She hesitated, eyes scanning his face and trying to come up with a legitimate excuse. She finally seemed to give up and let out a deep breath, “I’m trying to be a good sister.” Her voice was low and some of her sadness leaked into it.

Magnus raised an eyebrow, “Hmm?” Definitely not the answer he was expecting.

She sighed again and opened her door wider, “Would you like to come in?”

"Why not?" This day couldn’t get any stranger, right?

He walked into the loft that was laid out, more or less, like his was. It was very elegantly decorated with lots of dark colors. Everything was either black leather or dark polished wood. It looked a lot more put together than Magnus’ own home.

"Would you like anything? Coffee? Tea?"

"I’ll pass- how about you just tell me what you being a good sister has to do with you keeping me up everyday."

"Well…I have two brothers and they are in this band named Idris Bound. Ever heard of them?”

Magnus racked his brain but he didn’t think that he had ever heard of them. He shook his head to say as much.

"Alright, I guess that doesn’t matter so much but they are in this band and they have a concert here in New York soon."

"Okay…I’m guessing you’re about to reach your point any minute now-"

"I haven’t seen them in years and I want to go to support them but I’ve only recently started listening to their music. I’ve been blasting their songs every day so that when I go to see them, I can know the lyrics and maybe we might be able to talk about something other than the fact that we haven’t seen each other in so long.”

Magnus didn’t know how to respond. He wanted to be really fucking angry but he just-couldn’t. Not after this young girl had provided what seemed like a legitimate reason.

"How long has it been?" He couldn’t stop himself from asking.

"Almost four years."

Fuck. Now he really couldn’t be angry. Sure, he didn’t know the whole story, he didn’t know why this girl hadn’t seen her siblings in years but at least she was making an effort. Magnus had always been one for a good sob story and this one was getting up there. He hated every moment he wasted empathizing with the girl, after all he knew what it was like, but that didn’t stop him from it anyway.

He huffed dramatically, “Alright…um- I don’t think I caught your name, darling.”

"It’s Isabelle." The girl provided.

"Alright, as I was saying before Isabelle, I’m going to help you learn these songs so that you can see your brothers in concert and look like a supportive sister."

Magnus made his way over to the couch where he saw a small laptop that was sitting open. On the screen was the official music video for  _Sweater Weather by Idris Bound_ paused about halfway through.

After a questioning look with his hand over the device and a nod from Isabelle, he rewinded the video back to the beginning. The girl settled down right next to him, so close that their thighs touched and  he pressed play.

At first the only thing on the screen were the letters ‘I B’. Then there was a high pitched sound and it cut over to a black and white scene of a room (a warehouse, maybe?)  with some guys sitting in some chairs, all in silhouette. There was the start of a drum beat followed by lots of cuts that jumped between people driving, a spinning record, a woman, some more guys standing in silhouette and that original scene with them in the warehouse. Magnus fought the urge to roll his eyes because it’s one of those music videos where the viewer has no idea what the fuck is going on for a three and a half minutes.

There was a lot more jumping around to small snippets of random crap, like them driving, or pages flipping, until the camera finally got a clear shot of a guy sitting in a chair with a guitar.

“That’s my brother, Jace.” Isabelle piped up.

Magnus paused the video and let out a low whistle. The boy was very much attractive. Lean, yet muscular, with a face to die for and even though the video was in black and white, Magnus could tell that the boy’s hair would be very, very blond in person.

"I know- he was quite the ladies man when we were growing up." She had a fond smile on her face while she talked.

He didn’t know what to say as to not ruin the moment so he just pressed ‘play’ again and let the loud music take over his senses again.

The video continued until it got to the five guys sitting in the car again. The only one that was facing the screen was sitting on the roof. At first the camera cut off the top of his head but then it slowly panned up to reveal his face.

This time Isabelle was the one to pause the video. It stopped just as the boy on the screen was reaching up to run his fingers through his hair.

“That’s my other brother…Alec.” The way she said it let Magnus know that she was still upset about being separated from her brother. Whatever had happened between them had not been pretty, he could tell that much from the look of hurt in her big brown eyes.

Magnus didn’t say anything but instead turned to stare at the screen with wide eyes of his own, but for a different reason.

The boy-Alec- had extremely dark hair and equally as extreme, pale skin. He also had high cheekbones, perfectly shaped eyebrows, lips that were just begging to be kissed and light eyes, probably blue or gray, and a long elegant neck. This boy looked like a god.

It took him a while to be able to find his voice again but when he was able, he didn’t hold back, “Damn-your gene pool is seriously blessed.”

Isabelle let out a surprised laugh. “Thanks-?” She phrased it more as a question than anything else.

Magnus smiled at her and with one last ogling glance at her brothers face pressed ‘play’ again.

As the video cut to what he supposed to be the band members face’s he felt the smile slowly leave his face. It wasn’t Isabelle’s gorgeous brothers that had killed his mood but instead the face of someone else. A face that looked like one he hadn’t seen in years, more years than the girl sitting next to him had been away from her own family.

It was like seeing a ghost that he had thought he was free of but had somehow found a way to sneak back into his life. Where, a second ago, had been nothing more than shadows, were now the side of his face, or the curve of his lip, or the back of his head.

Magnus didn’t want to believe it. What were the chances that after all this time, after he had accepted that he would never see his old friend again, here he was in the same band as the brothers of his neighbour?

The video ended (he had been right before when he said it was one of those music videos that no one could understand) and he didn’t know what to say to the expectant look that Isabelle cast his way.

“Do you mind if I-” He didn’t bother finishing his question, his fingers had already flown to the keyboard, typing two words into the search bar: Idris Bound.

On the right side of the screen were small black and white pictures of the band. Once again he saw that face looking back at him, as if his friend had never left, but instead had always been waiting for Magnus to look in the right place to find him.

Underneath the picture was the name of the band, a description of them and then the names of the members of the group.

_Alexander Lightwood, Jonathan Lightwood, Simon Lewis, Woolsey Scott, Ragnor Fell_

All of his suspicious were finally confirmed.

Ragnor Fell.

Ragnor.

It had been so long but here he finally was.  


	5. Staying Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song: Staying Up by The Neighbourhood

Alec hummed the familiar song under his breath.

_How can I sleep-_

When he closed his eyes he could still see the dark room. He could still remember the bitter taste of his tears in the back of his throat. He could still remember how Jace had held his trembling body and told him to channel all of his feelings into the music.

_If I don’t have dreams-_

That day had been the end to an old way of living and the beginning of a whole new existence.

_I just have-_

He still felt the same pain that he had on that day, all those years ago. He sometimes cried out of what seemed like absolutely nowhere. He sometimes just had to stop everything that he was doing and relive that moment over and over again until it felt like the weight of his emotions would come crashing down around him. But they never completely did.

_Nightmares_

He had to sing it every night. No matter where he was, no matter who he was with, no matter how high or sober he was, he had to do it. It was a song that was full of pain and unhappiness but he refused to let go of the memories that accompanied it. Before all the pain there had once been happiness. Marred with more pain and more struggle and more desperation- but happiness nonetheless.

It was nights like these where thoughts of what could have been threatened to boil up and spill over on the surface that he was the most miserable.

There was nothing worse than fantasies of happiness because when he came out of them and realized that he was still in hell- it hurt way more than when he actually lived and experienced life for how it was.

And it was nights like these where Alec had to turn to the things that would make the wrong parts of his brain shut off and awaken a completely different person.

A person that had never felt heartbreak, or cried until he had no tears left, or sang a stupid fucking song over and over and over again in the hopes of calming down enough to finally settle into a nightmare filled sleep.

A person that had no cares in the world.

He tilted his head down toward the table and looked at the white lines. They stared back at him in the extremely tantalizing way that they always did.

He tried to save the coke for the really bad days. Not the bad days that took a while to build up and he was able to see from a mile away. Those ones were usually cured with a drink or two, maybe a show. He was talking about the ones that just snuck up on him and held him hostage until he took matters into his own hands and beat the emotions away with heavy drugs.

He snorted one line.

Two.

Three.

 

By the time he heard the door creak open about an hour later he was in a much better mood.

“Alec-”

The voice started but then stopped when it realized that it hadn’t sparked even the tiniest of reactions from the other man.

“Alec.” The voice was more persistent this time.

The golden haired man even sat down on the bed next to him so that he could speak directly into his ear.

“Are you high?” The voice continued.

“As a kite.” Alec replied with a smile and took another sip from the glass in his hand.

“And you’re drinking too.” The voice observed with thinly concealed disapprovement.

He shrugged. “What’s one without the other.”

This was not the first time Jace had ever seen him like this, and Alec was pretty sure that he had experienced even lower points, but Jace had never really approved of Alec’s antics.

 

One time he had gotten frustrated, told Alec that if he kept it up that he would end up in the 27 club with all the other musicians who had done the same thing he was doing now.

Alec had simply smiled and said, “Twenty seven, huh? You flatter me. At the rate that I’m going I would say closer to twenty five- twenty six tops.”

And that had been the end of that.

 

Now, Jace simply scooted closer and took the glass out of his hand. He pressed it to his lips and threw his head back, finishing the drink off.

Alec watched the way his adam’s apple moved as he swallowed.

The Jace turned his head to fully look Alec in the eye. The raven haired boy wasn’t able to pinpoint all the emotions that were swirling around in his brother’s eyes.

“How long have you been at this?” The other boy finally asked after a moment of silence.

“Not very long.” He answered almost automatically.

“Alec-” Jace started but Alec didn’t let him continue.

“Jace-”

A golden hand reached up to stroke his pale cheek and he felt his body automatically relax at the touch. This was the one person who had always been there for him. Jace been there since the beginning and was the only one who had stuck around this long. Jace was the only one that knew him fully, all the dark recesses of his soul and loved him anyway. Jace was the only one that made sure that Alec was happy and that he wasn’t drinking himself into an oblivion. Sometimes it seemed like he was the only one who cared.

“You know I worry about you.”

Alec felt his lips curl up slightly in a small smile. He turned his head to kiss the other boy’s palm.  

“And I’ve told you a countless number of times that you don’t have to.” He whispered against the golden skin.

“But I do it anyways.”

Jace moved his hand so that he was once again cupping Alec’s cheek and used it to turn the older boys face toward his own.

He leaned closer to Alec until their foreheads were touching. The ravenette could feel Jace’s breath against his lips every single time he exhaled and he rejoiced in the moment where he could be so close to another human being. No longer alone.

Alec closed the remaining distance between him and his brother and unraveled. The only thing his whole being, mind, body and soul could focus on was Jace.

Jace’s hands burning trails along his skin and Jace’s lips driving him crazy and Jace’s tongue parting his lips and slipping into his all too willing mouth.

The younger man tasted like the drink he had just stolen from Alec but he couldn’t find it in himself to care about that too much.

The kiss was enough to distract him for a bit but it didn’t last. He loved spending time with Jace, whether it was just sitting around doing nothing or fucking each other silly, but sooner or later memories of his past would always spring back up and rear their ugly head. Jace had been there all those years ago and that was something that he would never be able to forget.

Alec broke off the kiss and turned to the nightstand with the intention of pouring himself some more vodka. Surely with a bit more alcohol in his system he could finally calm down.

But before he could, Jace reached out for his hand and stopped him.

"I think you’ve had enough of that." The blond insisted.

Before Alec could respond, Jace maneuvered so that he was now straddling Alec’s waist and leaned forward to kiss him again. This time with a lot more passion.

Not even Alec’s wondering brain was a match for this. He let himself become lost in Jace’s lips and when they pulled away, panting for air, Alec was feeling a bit hot and bothered.

"I guess I can indulge in other things." Alec gave in.

He trailed his hands down the other boys backside and grinded their rapidly hardening nether regions together.

Jace moaned into his mouth and bit down onto his lip. Hearing that beautiful sound made a shiver run through his whole body.

He would just have to find his high this way.

 

 Alec was woken up by someone climbing on top of him and raining kisses all over the skin of his face. When the lips settled on his own he didn’t waste any time kissing back. It was a very sweet kiss, no tongue, just a simple pressing of lips against lips. It went on for about a minute or so before the other man broke it off.

“Hey Sleeping Beauty, it’s time to get up.”

Alec opened his eyes at the voice and turned his head to the other side of the bed and found it empty.

“Where’s Jace?” He croaked out, his voice was still a bit raspy from sleep.

“Off getting ready for our show that we have in an hour. Something that you should also be doing.” Woolsey answered while moving some of the hair out of Alec’s eyes. 

Shit.

He had completely forgotten about the show. He had been so caught up in the crap that was his life that it had slipped his mind. But at least he was feeling better now.

He felt like he could face anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To put it in simple terms Alec, Jace and Woolsey’s relationship is complicated at best and it will be uncovered in later chapters.


	6. Jealou$y pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song: Jealou$y by The Neighbourhood (in case you haven't noticed Alec's band is basically the Neighbourhood)

It had been a week and a half.

A week and a half since Magnus had met the beautiful Isabelle Lightwood and learned about her and her equally as beautiful brothers.

Magnus had never been one to stalk celebrities- especially musicians. He didn’t care about their social lives as long as they released good music. But he had stooped to a whole new level when he started helping Izzy (as she had told him to call her)

He knew way too much about Alexander Gideon Lightwood (her eldest brothers full name) then one should know about someone that they have never met. But all the information swimming through his head: tour dates, titles of songs, Alec’s birthday (September 6th), said boy’s exact height (6’ 4 1/2’’ only an inch and a half shorter than himself) and images of the way he threw his head back and bared the smooth expanse of pale, tattooed skin whenever he laughed in interviews. All that information would be completely useless to him, everything would have been for nothing, if he couldn’t get Izzy up off of this dirty bathroom floor.

The night had started out without a hitch. Magnus and Izzy had gotten ready together at Magnus’ place. Isabelle had insisted that they dress up in black and white because Idris Bound had something against color and did everything solely in those two drab shades. Magnus had been adamant about it at first but had given in eventually and made sure that they both looked fabulous.

They had hailed a taxi and the cabbie had gotten them to Pandemonium without incident. They hadn’t even been recognized. At first Magnus had been surprised- he usually got recognized everywhere. But then he remembered where he was and who they were. Izzy was a model whose face graced multiple magazines all around the country and Magnus’ songs actually got radio time. They were in no way on the same level as these dyed blonde, slightly gothic, underground rocker types. Magnus couldn’t even remember the last time he had performed in a club.

They had entered the club unnoticed and both gravitated toward the bar. He had thought that things were going pretty smoothly actually. One of the handsome bartenders had winked at him and given him his drink ‘on the house’ and the alcohol had just started to kick in, causing a steady buzz to course through him.

It wasn’t until Isabelle had stumbled away from the bar, her drink barely touched that he had noticed something was up with her. He followed her into the women’s room and had been there ever since.

The girl sat with her back against the wall and her legs curled up, knees touching her chest. Her body was shaking slightly and she was sporting a thousand yard stare. Magnus brushed some inky black hair away from her forehead. 

“Iz-” He started but was soon cut off.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Magnus.” Her voice came out sounding hollow.

“Of course you can, Isabelle.”

“But what if- what if-’”

“What if what, darling? What’s the worst that can happen?”

“What if they hate me?”

She buries her head in her knees. He didn’t know how to respond. He still had no idea what Isabelle had done that had prevented her from seeing her brothers for years and he definitely didn’t know why they would hate her.

He simply continued to stroke her hair to remind her that he was there for her no matter what. He hadn’t known the girl for very long but he didn’t think it would be possible to hate her. Isabelle was amazing. Funny, sweet, smart, confident, beautiful beyond imagination. She was the type of person he would be tempted to pursue- if he didn’t already have some weird stalker-like infatuation for her brother.

“How are you able to do this?”

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Able to do what, love?”

She raised her head to shoot him a look, “I’m not the only one here who is supposed to meet with someone they haven’t seen in years.”

Oh.

Ragnor.

He had gotten by by ignoring the situation. Instead of thinking about his old friend, Magnus had thrown all of his efforts and energy into learning song lyrics and random facts about Alec. He had made sure there was no room left to think about Ragnor and what he would say or do when he finally saw his friend again.

He hadn’t even told Catarina. Though that was for a completely different reason. He hadn’t wanted to get her hopes up. What is Ragnor wasn’t the same person he had been when he had first left them? What if he was now some pretentious asshole that couldn’t even remember their names? Magnus couldn’t put Catarina through that. She claimed that she was finally getting over him and Magnus didn’t want to mess that up over one chance meeting that might end with Ragnor disappearing again and breaking her heart all over again.

He flashed Izzy the most reassuring smile that he could muster and said, “I just hope for the best.” He shrugged, as if this was not a big deal at all, as if his whole world wasn’t about to be rocked by the events of tonight. “It’s the only thing we can do, really.”

She looked at him for a long time -so long that Magnus almost starts to twitch under her gaze- before she concedes.

She sighs and motions to stand up, “You’re right.”

Magnus offers her a hand and flashes her a dazzling smile, “I usually am, darling.”

They made their way out of the bathroom just as all the lights in the club went out, casting the whole building in darkness.

Magnus was confused for a moment.

Had the club lost power? Didn’t they have a back up generator or something? They wouldn’t cancel the show over this would they?

His wild thought pattern slowed down when suddenly all the strobe lights in the ceiling turned on and focused on the stage.

Where there had once been nothing but instruments was now occupied by five males dressed in black and white clothing.

One of them walked up to the mic in the center of the stage:

“Pandemonium!” He yelled into it, causing the audience around Magnus to erupt into screams themselves.

This was Alec Lightwood.

The band on stage with him was the rest of Idris Bound.

Isabelle had frozen in her spot next to him- which, compared to sprinting back into the bathroom, was good in a way.

Not that Magnus noticed much.

He was frozen too.


	7. Jealou$y pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music: Still Jealou$y

Magnus had to admit that  _Idris Bound_  were pretty fucking amazing at performing live.

Yes, Magnus and Izzy had been frozen at first. They hadn’t known how to act, what to do, whether or not they should run away and act as if this had never happened, or just continue to watch as the ghosts of their past came back to haunt them. But suddenly the opening chords for one of their songs started playing and the Magnus that was having last minute doubts disappeared. He found himself getting into the sounds and when Alec had opened his mouth and started singing-

Alec was perfect in every way. He had the voice and the natural, innocent looks of an angel. But the way he used them was a completely different playing field. It seemed as if the boy was the human embodiment of sex. He turned his head, and walked around the stage, and moved his hips to the beat in just the right ways that left Magnus’ mouth watering.

Magnus wondered what Izzy would think if she found out that while she was worrying about what she would say when she finally got to see her brothers face to face, Magnus was coming up with ways to get into her eldest brother’s pants.

He could see it now, Alec underneath him, moaning, and panting, and- he shook his head to clear it. This wasn’t the best situation to be thinking those thoughts.

He forced his eyes over to look at Ragnor. He was up there with his guitar, looking as comfortable on stage as if he had been born up there. Ragnor had loved performing for longer than Magnus had known him and it was obvious that he still did.

Maybe Magnus was a bit bias because he would always think that his own band had the most chemistry, they moved together on stage as if they were one being and knew each other so well that Magnus could guess what the others were thinking before they even opened their mouths. But Alec’s band had a different kind of chemistry. Each member was its own separate entity with, their own moves and different ways of interacting with the crowd. But they just melded together so well and Magnus knew the experience wouldn’t be nearly the same if even one of them hadn’t been up there.

After about an hour of what Magnus considered to be one of the best live performances he had ever seen, Alec spoke once again in his beautiful accented voice.

“Thank you all so much for coming out tonight. It means a lot to us that you guys take the time to learn our lyrics and come out to our shows and we are forever grateful.”

The crowd erupted into screams- and if Magnus just so happened to join in he would never admit to it.

Alec continued after they had calmed down, “With that being said, this is going to be our last song of the night-”

The crowd voiced their disappointment and Magnus couldn’t blame them. His own mood dropped slightly at hearing the news. He never wanted this to end. He could stand here listening to Alec sing for the rest of his life and never grow tired of the sound.

He shook his head trying to clear it of all of his thoughts. He was supposed to be here to support Izzy and maybe try to communicate with his own brother. Why was he so infatuated with Alec? Why was the boy the only thing he could think about? Before he could continue his train of thought Alec was speaking again:

“I know, I know, we don’t want it to end either. But if it makes anyone of you feel better we will be here for the rest of the night. Anyway- this last song is a new one. It comes directly off our mixtape which should be dropping soon. It’s called Jealousy and we hope you guys like it.”

As soon as the boy finished speaking, Woolsey- the drum player- dropped the beat and the band started to create a song that Magnus had actually never heard before. It must have been very recently released because when he and Izzy had listened to their mixtape that song hadn’t been in existence yet.

_Left and a right_

_Then a twist and a jump and a slide_

_Left and a right_

_Then a twist and a jump and a slide_

_Left and a right_

_Then a twist and a jump and a slide_

_Left and a right_

_You know everything’s black or it’s white_

Alec’s voice was doing things to him. He had noticed it all night. It entered through his ears and from there continued to spread to the rest of his body, seeping into his bloodstream and filling him up until there was nothing left. He was consumed by everything Alec- and he couldn’t really find it in himself to care.

_This is the shit that your momma dance to_

_When she’s cleaning up the house doing all the dance moves_

_When a lady’s by herself_

_Alone with no one else_

_My mom will get down how the girl’s supposed to_

Like him, Isabelle had slowly started to relax as the show went on- Magnus suspected that she too had been filled with the same all consuming feeling that came with her brother’s voice- but as Alec started this new song she stiffened again.

_This is the shit that your momma dance to_

_When she’s cleaning up the house doing all the dance moves_

_When a lady’s by herself_

_Alone with no one else_

_My mom will get down how she knows she’s supposed to_

He felt Izzy’s hand against his forearm, it slid down until it brushed his fingers and held on fast and hard. Magnus didn’t know what was bothering her this time but he just gave her hand a reassuring squeeze to let her know that he was there.

_So rest in peace his peace of mind_

_And someday we will reunite_

They drop a really sexy beat that sounds like it is coming from a saxophone. Alec dances up on stage and the feelings coursing through Magnus’ body, from the eargasms to his pants becoming slightly tighter after watching the way Alec’s body moved, makes Magnus want to dance too. He throws an arm around Izzy and sways them to the beat.

_This is the shit that your baby claps to_

_Promise you that I’ll make a baby with you_

_Make a momma of you_

_Ain’t no drama with you_

_My baby brings heat like a momma used to_

_I pay homage to you_

_And college for the babies_

_I’ll even bring your momma to the Bahamas_

_And maybe_

_I’ll take you on the open road_

_You’ll take me where the ocean goes_

_I’m getting cheesy on these jungle drums_

_And I sound like Weezy on a million_

They play a sample from Lil’ Wayne’s song  _A Milli_ and somehow it just adds to the experience.

_The money’s coming and I know it_

_But the money doesn’t have control of us_

_This is the shit make your momma start crying_

_Not because she’s sad but cause her baby’s alright_

_Her baby’s her pride_

_Her baby’s her life_

_Momma would break down if that baby did die_

At this point of the song Izzy, still swaying to the beat- Magnus suspected it was more to appease him than because she was feeling the music as much as he was- burried her face against Magnus’ chest.

_So rest in peace his peace of mind_

_Someday we will reunite_

There is that sexy ass beat again but this time the lights go off, causing the people surrounding the stage to scream at the top of their lungs. By this point Magnus’ heart is beating so fast he feels like he will pass out.

The lights turn back on and Alec is dancing around the stage again.

_if you move momma where do we go_

_if you move momma what do we lose_

_if we bleed momma when do we breathe_

_how do we eat?_

_where do we sleep?_

Magnus had to admit that these lyrics had kind of been going in one ear and coming right back out the other but when Alec sang that verse they finally stuck. These were the kind of lyrics that spoke of personal experience. Was this why Isabelle had suddenly gotten this way?

_if you go momma where do we go_

_if you move momma what do we lose_

_momma how do we breath_

_how do we eat_

_where do I go to sleep_

The midnight haired boy’s face contorted in what could only be described as raw emotion.

_If you move momma_

_oh no no no_

_Where do I go home?_

_I need to go home_

_need to go home_

 

Alec composed himself while the crowd clapped and voiced their approval of the new song.

“Thank you!”

And with that all the lights went off casting the room in darkness once again.

When they came back on the stage was empty.

The people around Magnus surged around him and Izzy, surrounding them in from all sides. It was the effect of a large amount of people all trying to move in different directions and creating a huge cluster fuck. He eventually managed to break away from them but didn’t notice that he had lost Izzy in the process until it’s too late. He quickly scanned the sea of people but the lights had been dimmed by then and he couldn’t make out her midnight hair and pale skin among all the gothic people in the club.

He wasn’t worried, she had probably moved toward the stage trying to catch another glimpse of her brothers without actually talking to them or something. Magnus had to admit that he wasn’t yet ready to try to find his own brother though.

Instead he found himself moving towards the bar. Maybe after getting some alcohol in his system and flirting with an attractive person or two he would be able to build up the nerve.

He had told Izzy that they just needed to hope for the best. But he wasn’t really sure what the ‘best’ would be in this situation.

There was so many thoughts banging around in Magnus’ head that could only be quieted by a drink.

He sat down in front of the cute bartender who passed him another drink ‘on the house’. If nothing else came out of tonight, at least he had gotten some free alcohol.

He didn’t know how long he spent at the bar, drinking, and flirting, and eye fucking the bartender but the moment ended when he heard a voice speaking directly into his ear.

“Hello, beautiful.”

Magnus felt a shiver run down his body from the top of this head all the way down to his toes as he slowly turned around.

In all of Magnus’ twenty five years he had never been called ‘beautiful’ before- well if he thought about it, maybe by Caterina once or twice but she didn’t count. And anyone else who had came even remotely close to the word had never looked as delicious or downright fuckable as Isabelle’s brother did right now.

He had dyed his hair so instead of having a whole head of pure raven black locks, half of it was a very very light white blond color. Besides from that he looked just like he did in music videos and interviews- high cheekbones, perfect eyebrows, long elegant neck covered in the black markings of tattoos. He looked even better up close, in person, and in color. His lips were so pink that they were practically begging to be kissed and his eyes- they were the most beautiful blue Magnus had ever seen in his life.

He was also dressed impeccably in a black leather jacket covered in patches along with the words  _Idris Bound_  and the band logo of an upside down house and pants that were white down the left leg and black going down the other. By the time Magnus was done giving the boy a once- twice-maybe three times- over he was practically drooling.

The other boy continued, “I’m Alec by the way.”

It suddenly hit Magnus that this was the first time they had met and he shouldn’t already know the boy’s full name, height, place of birth and everything else that a super crazy stalker fan would know. But Magnus wasn’t crazy, he had just been trying to help a friend. Besides, he knew the boy’s sister and all of that information was online. So it wasn’t the efforts of stalking so much as obtaining public information.

All of it.

Alec raised an eyebrow expectantly and Magnus guessed he had just completely blocked out what the boy had just said.

“Huh?”

Alec smiled down at him, all pearly white teeth and eyes crinkled in the corners and just plain adorable.

“I asked for your name, love.”

He had suspected that if anyone in this club knew his identity it would be Alec and his bandmates. He wasn’t bragging or anything but his band-  _The Downworld_ \- was the biggest alternative band right now, how could Alec not know who he was?

He shook off his initial shock and answered.

“It’s Magnus. Magnus Bane.”

“A uniquely beautiful name for a beautiful person.” Alec winked at him.

Magnus felt his skin grow hot. Alec’s voice was doing things to him and he didn’t know what he would end up doing to the boy, or end up letting Alec do to him, if this continued.

Luckily he was saved from replying by a hand grabbing onto his shirt. He turned to tell the person off but ended up face to face with Isabelle.

“Izzy! Where did you disappear to?” Magnus yelled over the music. Weird, he hadn’t noticed how loud it was when he was speaking to Alec.

“Isn’t that the question of the century?” Came a monotone voice from behind him.

Izzy froze at the sound and when Magnus turned around he found Alec in a similar state.

The similarities between the two Lightwoods were even more blatant now that they were standing so close to each other. Neither of them said anything, just stood there staring at each other with barely veiled vulnerability and pain.

Magnus felt like he was interrupting something. He awkwardly cleared his throat and moved so that he was no longer in the middle of them.

They still continued to regard each other the way you would a poisonous snake.

“Right…so- I’ll leave you guys alone.” And he left the siblings, still sizing each other up.

As he walked away he realized he had his reunion to attend. The only thing that he had to do was find Ragnor in this extremely crowded club.


	8. Alleyways pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alleyways by The Neighbourhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so It's been a long ass time since I updated and for that I am sorry.  
> As soon as I finish my other multi chapter I should have a lot more time to work on this. I have most of the next chapter written so it should be up fairly soon.

_If things were different, we were young_  
 _Skinny dipping, having fun, I remember_

* * *

 

Something that Alec loved almost as much as bottoming and being pounded into was being on the giving end. Being the person with someone squirming underneath him, moaning as he trusted into them over and over again, nails clawing down his back and back arching off the bed when he hit a certain bundle of nerves.

He loved Jace.

The blond always knew exactly what he needed and was always willing to help.

Whether it was sitting up with Alec for hours on end, keeping him distracted by writing lyrics when he couldn’t sleep, initiating sex, or anything in between Jace was there for him.

Which was more than he could say about a lot of the people that used to be in his life.

And speaking of people that used to be in his life, it made him remember why he was here in the first place.

He reached down to grab one of Jace’s legs and threw it over his shoulder while increasing the speed of his thrusts. The blond groaned deep in his throat at Alec’s ministrations and threw his head back in pleasure. The ravenette leaned down and started to kiss the golden expanse of Jace’s throat. It was already covered in an impressive amount of hickeys but he figured a few more wouldn’t hurt.

But no matter how hard he tried to get lost in the younger boy’s golden skin the memories kept coming back.

* * *

It felt like someone had taken an apple corer to his heart, a jackhammer to his head, thrown him into a bathtub full of ice water and sucked all of the oxygen out of the room; beat him until until he was broken and bloody, all of his pieces never fitting together again.

He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to fall down at her feet and never get up again but he managed to stay standing.

He managed to keep his face, more or less, devoid of all emotion and just stand there, looking at the girl that was as familiar to him as the back of his hand.

Looking at his sister. His sister that he had not seen in so many years, he had lost count. His sister that he had missed so much, he had forced himself to stop just so he could move on with his life.

Just so he could function.

He probably looked like an idiot, standing there just staring at his sister with eyes that he hoped weren’t as wide as plates.

There were so many words that wanted to come out of his mouth- so many that stemmed from years of abandonment and pain and anger and loss but none of them made sense to him in that moment, none of them would ever be able to describe what he was feeling.

* * *

_Back in 1991, when the story first begun, I remember (I remember)_

_All of these shelves, holding the things I've done_

_I knew myself before I knew anyone_

* * *

"I've missed you Alec-" She tried to reach out toward him but he moved away before she could touch him.

He couldn't-he just couldn't let her- it was too sudden, way too soon after all those years of separation. He didn't know how he would react, he didn't know the right way to react. He wasn't even sober enough to be making decisions right now.

"I've missed you too, Isabelle,” The name felt wrong on his tongue after not saying it for so long but he continued anyway, “ I really did but-"

"No, I get it-" Her voice sounded broken.

It matched the way he felt inside. His headache reared up and it was too much. Too much in his head and too much in his heart and he couldn't deal with it.

He needed Jace. Needed him to be his steady pillar while he wanted to crumble.

"Iz,” Saying that name wasn’t any better, “I'm happy to see you," He reached out hesitantly and gently touched her shoulder, "It’s just that you appeared so suddenly after I thought that I would never see you again and I just- I need some time to deal, you know?"

She reached up to place her hand on top of his, "I know."

He looked down at her for a moment, forcing himself to keep eye contact, forcing himself to accept the fact that she was actually there.

"How about we-” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat before trying to speak again, “I think Jace would be much better at this than I am-"

He took his hand off of her shoulder and started to think up places where Jace could have went while trying to ignore the screaming sounds that wanted to build up in his ears and the panic attack that wanted to overcome his body.

* * *

_ And cause we all chew gum, we all have fun with water guns _

_La da da da da da, da da dum dum dum_

* * *

And he’s suddenly back in the present.

Jace’s nails claw up his back and leave marks but Alec can’t find it in himself to care. The long fingered hands settle in his raven hair and pull his face down to capture his lips.

And for a second the older boy was distracted. All he could focus on was tongue and teeth biting into his lower lip and himself thrusting into Jace’s willing form.

And it felt so good. Everything felt so good until his mind reminded him of a time when it wasn’t.

Of pain and disappearing- and people were always disappearing- why did they always leave him in the end?

Jace’s fingers tighten in his hair and he strokes Alec’s cheeks, it’s so gentle that it is enough to bring him back to the present. He can see the golden eyes clearly in the dark room. He could get lost in those eyes.

Be saved by them.

“Hey-” Jace says gently. “I’m right here. Stay with me here.”

Alec shifts his position slightly and thrusts forward again, this time hitting Jace’s prostate and causing the blond to close his eyes, throw his head back and let out a low moan.

* * *

“Jace!” Alec yelled over the loud pounding bass of the music.

They had finally been able to find him. Alec knows that it had only been about 15-20 minutes at most but it had felt like so much longer. It felt like lifetimes had passed by while he and his sister searched for their brother.

Each step was harder than the last, each breath hard to pull in and then even more difficult to let out. His body wanted to explode- pieces of him splattering everywhere and getting on everything but he kept it together.

And then he saw the familiar head of blond hair and he was filled with relief. He knew that things would be better now that he had his brother with him.

The blond turned around with a smile on his face and Alec was finally able to take in a steady breath-but the smile soon disappeared when the younger man saw who Alec had with him.

The golden boy’s face became a hard mask, the only emotion he showed was with his eyes that went molten- flashing a lion like ferocity as he regarded their little sister.

“What the hell is she doing here?” Jace demanded.

Isabelle moved forward, “Jace-” She tried to reach out a hand but the man stepped back as if she had hit him.

“No- you can’t just disappear for years and then show up out of no where expecting us to act like nothing is wrong. I’m not just going to stand by and wait for you to manage to fuck up our lives yet again.”

Alec wanted to placate Jace’s rage, but he didn’t know how to do that since all of his claims were true and he couldn’t really say anything without seeming like he was defending her. But at the same time he couldn’t fight down the urge to protect his baby sister from any harm that could come her way. He didn’t want his siblings to fight but he couldn’t think of a way to stop it.

* * *

 

_And we all grew up, shit got tough_

_Shit just wasn't simple enough_

* * *

 

Alec continued to hit that spot, over and over again, causing Jace’s moans to grow in volume. It was like music to Alec’s ears.

He reached down a hand to wrap a hand around the younger man’s cock. Pumping it as he pounded into him.

And then Jace’s body was quivering, his eyes rolling back in his head and he let out the loudest moan yet. He came, hot and white across both of their stomachs.

After only a few more thrusts-so was Alec. His head finally clearing of everything that wasn’t how good he felt in the moment.

* * *

He placed his head in his hands and coming here wasn’t solving anything- it was making things worst. He was panting- trying to draw in air and not getting any-

“Jace-” He tried to speak but nothing would come out. He could hear his younger siblings talking to each other but he couldn’t make out the words. He couldn’t really make out anything besides the pounding of his heart in his ears.

“Jace-” He tried again and again.

_Jace_

_Jace_

_Jace_

The younger man was the source of his strength and his name was the only word that Alec could get out in his moment of weakness.

_Jace_

_Jace_

_Jace_

And suddenly he was there. Alec could feel his soft-though slightly calloused hands wrapping around his wrists and pulling them down.

Golden eyes met his own and Alec bit down on his lip to stop himself from speaking anymore.

He saw something flicker behind Jace’s left shoulder and when he looked it was Isabelle.

Whatever it was that she and Jace had spoken about, it left her face looking hard and closed off but when her eyes met his over their brother’s shoulder they were sad and heartbroken.

_“I’m sorry, Alec.”_

He saw her lips move rather than heard her speak.

She moved toward them and Jace glared at her but didn’t say anything- Alec guessed that it was for his sake.

She outstretched her hand and gripped in her fingers was a small piece of paper.

Alec shook one of his wrists out of Jace’s hold on them and offered out his own hand, palm up to accept it.

She placed it in his hand, making sure that their skin didn’t accidentally touch.

“It’s my phone number-just in case.” She said before giving them both one last look, turning around, and walking away.

Alec stared after her but Jace was staring at the paper that was resting in his still open palm.

“I’ll rip it up.” Jace said after a few moments of standing there and reached toward Alec’s hand to do just that.

Alec closed his hand into a fist, “It’s fine, Jace.”

Jace gave him a confused look, “But Alec-”

“I said that it’s fine,” He insisted before letting out a long sigh, “Can we please just leave?”

Jace looked at him. It was long and unwavering. Alec could see just how worried that the younger man was for him.

He wished he could wipe the look off of his brother’s face but he knew that he would never be able to.

“Yeah, of course. Whatever you want.” 


	9. Alleyways pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alleyways by The Neighbourhood again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had most of this chapter written but I just got distracted by other things and other stories that I'm working on so for that I am sorry.
> 
> Also- sorry if this seems all over the place, there were a lot of things that I had to introduce and for some reason they all came out in this chapter. 
> 
> Hope you like it anyway!

_And whenever the sun came out, we played_

All of their laughter mixed together- high pitched, full of happiness and light and enough to expel all that was wrong with their family- all that was wrong with the world even.

_We didn't want to get older, we didn't want to get older_

It was so easy to get caught up in moments like this and forget all of the darkness, leave it behind- at least for a little while.

_We would run on the block all night and day_

They were in a park, by this point he couldn’t remember which one it was but the important thing was that all four of them were there.

His younger siblings were on the swings with Jace and him pushing them. There were demands for ‘higher’ mixed in with the joyous sounds of children losing themselves in simple acts.

He could see the innocent scene unfolding in front of him as if it was currently happening.

There was the way his brother’s eyes burned with molten gold in the sunlight, the curve of his sister’s neck as she threw her head back, the feeling of his baby brother’s shirt as he pushed him constantly forward and forward and forward. 

It was perfect- a type of perfect that could never be recreated.

_We didn't want to get older_

* * *

Alec woke up with a picture in front of his eyes, laughter in his ears, and the memory of a name on his lips:

_Max._

The word settles like a weight against his chest, threatening to bring him down, sink right through the bedfloorearth and stay there.

He tries to breathe and he breaths are shallow- his lungs cannot take in enough air- he is suffocating and panting trying to- trying to take in- and a body shifts next to him. A head moves so that it now rests in the crook of his neck and he stills.

He feels hot breath exhaling against his skin and he uses that as a way to escape the darkness, he clutches at it and claws himself away until his breathing matches that of Jace's.

His limbs actually don’t shake as he gets out of bed and heads toward the bar. He opens up a bottle, he doesn’t really know what it is- only that it’s supposed to be strong and pours some of it into a shot glass. He brings the glass to his lips and tips his head back, accepting the familiar burn that moves down his throat and spreads through the rest of his body.

“A bit early for alcohol isn’t it?” Comes a sleepy sounding voice from behind him. He turns to see Jace sitting up in bed, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“It’s just going to be one-” But as soon as the word is out of his mouth his hand twitches toward the bottle and he knows that it isn’t true.

“Or two,” Jace shoots him a look.

Alec pours the liquid out anyway.

“Just two, I swear.” He quickly swallows the second shot, corks the bottle, and puts it back where it belongs. He walks back over to the blond, sits on the edge of the bed, and crosses his heart with his pointer finger.

“I swear.” He repeats. Jace stops rubbing at his eyes and leans toward him.

“Good. Perhaps we can have a day off where all of us remain sober for once.”

Alec leans forward to close the remaining distance. “Perhaps.”

He can feel Jace’s breath against his lips as the younger boy breathes out. One of them moves forward and their lips connect.

He just might be able to do this.

* * *

It was four hours later and he was still pretty sure that he could do this.

The day was actually turning out to be pretty good. He and his bandmates were just sitting around and doing nothing for once.

Simon and Ragnor on one couch watching some crap show on television, and he and Jace on the other, working out some chords for a new song.

His fingers ran over the strings of the guitar, trying to match up the feelings and words inside of him to music. His brother kept strumming different variations of the same thing over and over again. It helped by giving him a steady base to work up from, but none of them seemed to be working with what was in his mind.

They were still in the same position a half hour later when Woolsey came into the room brandishing shopping bags full of chips and candy- that they had sent him for two hours ago.

Jace stopped strumming and looked up at Woolsey, “Where the hell have you been?”

Woolsey smiled and moved away from the doorway to show what was behind him.

“I kind of got distracted.” 

And what was there standing behind him was three people that none of them had seen in months:

JonJordanMaia 

There was an unlimited amount of smiles and laughter to go around. 

They hadn’t had much time to see each other since their bands had stopped touring together so they were more than happy to finally have a chance to talk in person and catch up.

Especially Alec.

He was shocked and relieved to discover that Jordan and Maia had finally admitted their feelings toward each other and were now in a relationship. The two of them had tiptoed around each other for long enough and it was about damn time. 

He also noticed with vague curiosity that Jace and Jon were acting a bit awkward and uncomfortable around each other. They couldn't meet each other's eyes for more than a few seconds at a time before turning away. Alec made a mental note to ask one of them about it at a later time. But right now, with their friends there, it was easy to get caught up in the easy conversation that flowed between all of them.

It was easy to pretend that everything was okay and that it always would be.  

* * *

It was hours later and his hand was shaking slightly as he scrolled through his contacts. He tried to will it to stop but it didn’t want to. He finally reached the name of the person that he wanted to call.  

His thumb hovered over it for a long moment, his heart pounding in his chest and his head a wild mess, full of thoughts that he couldn’t fully comprehend.

He pressed the call button and it rung two times before it connected.

“Hello?” Came a feminine voice.

He took a deep breath before speaking, “Hey, Isabelle-”

“Alec-” She breathed out his name. “How are you?” 

“Um...good? I have the next few days off before we have to go halfway across the country and I just-” His words are coming out a bit too fast and he stopped to take another deep breath and try again:

“I just-wanted to at least hear the sound of your voice one more time.” He knew that Jace wouldn’t approve of this phone call or any of the things that he was saying but Alec couldn’t help it. What he had said was the truth. He did want to hear his sisters voice. He had missed it. He had missed her.

“I’m not- I won’t leave again. If you want me in your life, I’ll be there.” Isabelle said quietly, so quietly that he almost missed it.

And he wanted to believe her but he wasn’t sure if he could. Not after what she had done to them before.

But he could still try, right?

"Of c-" He started but was cut off by the sound of a loud male voice.

It sounded partially like a scream and partially like the person was trying to sing a high note.

Alec furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What was that?" The words coming out easier now that they were no longer talking about themselves.

"Oh-" She even let out an almost surprised sounding laugh, as if she was shocked that she was able to laugh around him.

"That's just Magnus."

He could remember a time in the past when hearing the name of a boy passing through Isabelle's lips would have had his elder brother hackles rising and ready to hate/ threaten to murder anyone who would dare hurt his baby sister. With all of their years spent apart, the feeling had since faded, but he did feel a shadow of overprotectiveness creeping into his consciousness.

"Who's Magnus?"

"Uh-my friend that you were flirting with last night?"  

Oh.

She was talking about the insanely attractive guy that he had talked to after his band's performance. How well did he and Izzy know each other that they were at each other's houses? How often did this happen?

"Is that a bad thing?"

“Um-I don’t know. I don’t own the ‘what to do when your brother starts flirting with one of your best friends’ handbook so I have to go off of instinct here.” There were some more loud sounds of screaming and maybe even glass breaking?

“If it helps any, he finds you attractive too.” She continued.

So it was a mutual attraction? Not that anything would or even could come from it though.

“Is he...okay?” Alec was pretty sure he had never heard someone make that sound before and he was starting to grow more concerned with each pained wail.

Isabelle let out a contemplative noise before answering, “No- I don’t suppose he is.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He had a-falling out with your guitarist and he’s a bit torn up about it.”

Guitarist?

If it was Jace she would have said his name so- Ragnor?

Alec couldn’t think of a way that Ragnor and the extremely attractive, glittery, fabulous man that he had met yesterday could be connected. Ragnor wasn’t gay-Alec had asked him multiple times and even tried to set him up with some guys on a few occasions but they had all come back with negative results, so they couldn’t be ex-lovers or something.

How else could they have had a falling out?

And when?

Touring was keeping them all busy. How did his bandmate find a way to cause the man on the other end of the phone to let out such pained sounding cries?

“Are you talking about Ragnor?” He finally asked to clarify because it didn’t seem as if they were talking about the same person. Ragnor wasn’t the heartbreaking type. In the years Alec had know him, he had been bitter and sarcastic but never a heartbreaker. That sounded more like Woolsey, Jace, or even _himself,_ but not Ragnor.

Next he would be hearing that Simon was dealing crystal meth.

“That would be the one, yes.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” He didn’t really know why he asked. Maybe to find out more about Ragnor and his relationship with Magnus? Maybe to find out if he was still useful to his sister.

He didn’t have a lot of time to reflect though since Isabelle let out another contemplative noise before answering in a mischievous voice that he hadn’t heard in years:

"Yes, I think there is something." 


End file.
